i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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