The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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