Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So much Jack, so little girl.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
