and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Four minutes until I can fart!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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