Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
