ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
