I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
