I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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