kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
