just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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