he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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