btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
