i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Holy sore nipples Batman
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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