I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
