he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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