gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
