Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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