im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
