hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
