I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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