This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
