Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
