My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
