THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
