i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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