bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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