Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
