She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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