He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
