Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
