He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
