My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
