why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
