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You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
