got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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