We named our party play list daddy issues
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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