one might say we're banned from that church
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
