Someone shattered a urinal.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
