I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
