I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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