you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
it was like eating out sand paper
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
