very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
