Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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