You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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