Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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