I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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