we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
