that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
