Define "chronic" masturbator.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
