Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
