I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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